Posts Tagged ‘blogger’

Thursday, March 22, 10:12 a.m.

In my limited experience, all daily newspaper journalists want to win a Pulitzer Prize.

Local TV reporters want to get hired by Fox News, CNN, 60 Minutes or Dateline NBC—whichever calls first.

Writers at the too-cool alternative weeklies want to be latter day incarnations of Dorothy Parker and get hired by The New Yorker, or become the next David Sedaris and craft false memoirs for NPR.

Bloggers want to be real (i.e. print) journalists.

Monthly newspaper reporters turned fully fledged editors want to write a book.

But what do crime reporters want?

Jack O’Lies is one.

I find it hard to believe that such a job still exists. Nonetheless, I’m about to meet him in his natural habitat: a crime scene. A murder scene. A possible serial killer murder scene, if the tweets are to be believed.

The crime scene is on the western shore of Lake Washington, where the sand meets rain-churned mud. I park between a King County Sheriff’s car and a City of Seattle Police car. Washington State Patrol is on scene too, sandwiched in between a pair of TV news vans. I’ve never understood the division of labor among the various cop agencies. I’m not that kind of journalist.

I don’t get out of the car. Chaos reigns as cops and marauding ducks fight to defend their strongholds between the mucky bank, the gently lapping gray water, and the yellow Police Line Do Not Cross tape that separates them. Through my windshield, I can see a major media convergence zone just outside the yellow tape. I’ve been here once before, under far more mundane yet equally duck- and reporter-ridden circumstances.  I ought to feel right at home. Except for that whole dead body found floating on the water thing.

Stumbling over the waddling wildlife, the perpetually jeans ‘n’ T-shirt-clad TV cameramen

Camera man in Seattle

(they are always men)

Camera man in Seattle filming The X-Facto

poke their lenses into the cops’ faces while the on-air talent—no one I recognize—fiddle with their handheld mics. Also jeans-clad, but sporting dry cleaned sports jackets, a half-dozen newspaper reporters are standing together gossiping. Their photojournalist counterparts, decked out in full-body khaki like war correspondents, are picking their way through the muck to shove their telephoto lenses over the yellow tape. Several radio reporters stand well apart from the mob and record their reportage with their iPhones: a feat that impressed me excessively the first time I saw it —ironically at the equally over-policed Shop With a Cop Christmas charity event.

Keeping a safe distance from the edge of Lake Washington where the corpse recently washed ashore, and looking hungover, overwhelmed, or both, are a couple kids from one of the alternative print weeklies. Given their smeared eyeliner and excess of sequins, I’m willing to bet that they got pulled directly off late night music club duty to cover this murder scene. Appearing uncomfortable and sporting homemade press passes, a few lonely souls drift through the crowd. As soon as I see their expensive digital cameras, I peg them as bloggers. My digital camera is small, cheap, and freelances during off hours as the family snapshot taker.

If this is indeed the crime scene of a serial killer, the FBI ought to be in attendance, dressed in their iconic trench coats. I’m wearing a trench coat that I bought a few years ago because I thought it looked reporterish, courtesy of my vague memories of 1940s movies. It was on sale at the Value Village and once got me erroneously pegged as a private investigator whilst I waited for an interviewee outside his tattoo parlor. Maybe the intimidating cops and the clique-ish reporters will think I’m FBI.

The thought cheers me considerably. I wanted to join the FBI in college. I sent in an application. “The X-Files” was popular at the time.

The X-Files

I’m with a monthly newspaper. And I’m way, way outside my newspaper’s coverage area. In more ways than one.

I get out of the car. I need to find Jack O’Lies. He’s a real, live crime reporter. He’ll be able to steer me through this murderous morass without landing me on the 5 o’clock news, immortalized as the crazy lady who blundered across the Police Line Do Not Cross tape and tripped over the corpse.

I pause next to the KING 5 TV news van. I have no idea what Jack O’Lies looks like. There are plenty of images of his wife’s killer, Robert “Bobby” Dean Clasky, the Westgate Serial Killer. They range from wild-eyed courtroom sketches to dead eyed mug shots going back fourteen years to a single school photo, aged eight or so, that ruins all wrath with his blond, abused, tentative yet hopeful smile.

Layne Stayle as a child

I know that Jack is 45. Because I’m white, I whitely assume he’s white. He lives in Seattle’s Scandinavian ghetto, Ballard, so he’s pretty much got to be white.

The air is crisp and reeks of fish, waterfowl excrement and cheap aftershave. I wend my way over the slippery ground toward the water’s edge. Up to their thighs in Lake Washington, the police crime scene investigators are slowly trudging, their eyes on the rippling water. Red and white lights atop three useless ambulances circle silently. Cop radios jabber while, incongruously, the cops attached to them burst out laughing. I see a TV cameraman aim his all-seeing lens at a kid in a Seattle PD uniform who can’t be a day over 19. “Why so much police interest in a semi-eviscerated and mutilated body? Can you confirm this is the work of a serial killer, and is all of Seattle in danger?” the heavily made-up TV reporter inquires.

I spy an idle print journalist, identifiable by her jeans, sensible shoes, and out of style but carefully pressed suit jacket. She’s leaning against an ambulance, smoking and poking at her iPhone with a short-nailed thumb.

“Excuse me? You don’t happen to know if Jack O’Lies from the Washingtonian is around here somewhere?” I say.

She points her cigarette at an open space beyond the yellow police tape. “Over there with the coroner. Can’t believe Muhammad actually came to the mountain for once,” she says.

The cigarette indicates a black guy in his fifties who is talking with a white guy. The white guy looks to be in his forties, with graying hair hacked into a super-short crew cut. He sports a couple days’ worth of beard growth that looks sexy on movie stars in their twenties but doesn’t work for professional men over the age of thirty. The black guy is wearing a dark blue windbreaker loudly emblazoned “King County Coroner’s Office.”

I take a deep breath and contemplate the forbidding yellow tape that separates us.

I’ve only seen such a thing in real life once before. Granted, it was labeled Fire Line Do Not Cross, but close enough. It cordoned off a crucial cross street in the wilds of Ballard (Jack O’Lies country, before I had heard of him) when I was working on a Halloween article about bugs as a culinary option.

Plate of bugs in Ballard, Seattle

Yes, I ate bugs in Ballard. For journalism. But I didn’t violate the official yellow tape.

I glance around. There’s a gawky kid in a trench coat wandering around beyond the yellow tape. His trench coat screams “I’m a reporter!” more blatantly than mine. He’s got a fantastically expensive camera. He’s clearly a blogger. I duck under the tape barricade and approach the coroner just as the blogger turns and makes a sudden beeline for the same.

Blast these tenacious amateurs! I pick up my pace as best I can, but I’m slow and unsure on the slick mud. The blogger reaches the coroner and starts waving the camera in his face.

What happens next confuses me. I’m out of earshot. The blogger and the white guy—Jack O’Lies, I presume—appear to exchange words. Angry words. Because the blogger is attempting to horn in on Jack’s interview, perhaps? In my peripheral vision, I see a couple TV cameramen hustle toward them.

My view is abruptly blocked by a radio reporter, then a print journalist, half a dozen photojournalists, uncountable bloggers, and all the cameramen and audio techs from the TV crews. Everything suddenly becomes a noisy, jostling, desperate sort of scene that I’m not used to but have seen on the rare occasion when I’ve covered a popular news story.

Gates Foundation opens in Seattle

Someone is shouting, then the white guy with the graying crew cut and last week’s 5 o’clock shadow shoves his way through the crowd of reporters. All lenses, boom mikes, SLR digital cameras and iPhones swivel to point at him.

I have no idea what just happened. But according to the cigarette, that is Jack O’Lies.

The lenses and the reporters attached to them turn back to the coroner, the lake, and the blogger, who is being hauled to his feet after he apparently slipped in the mud. I hesitate, then follow my presumed interviewee. I have a very fast car this week. I have no doubt that even with his head start, I can catch him.

As I navigate the slippery ground to my press car, I figure there’s a 50/50 chance he’s heading to the Washingtonian headquarters. I don’t know exactly where the Washingtonian building is located, beyond the mythology of the so-called Paper Triangle formed by the Interstate 5-bordering Seattle Times, the waterfront home of the comatose unto death Seattle P.I. and the northern apex between the two, the Washingtonian, which points toward Ballard.

Lucky for me, I have GPS in the car. This awesome ride, the Infiniti G convertible is the best car I’ve ever driven in my life. And it’s mine for a whole week, courtesy of the automobile PR firm that arranges such things, so that my newspaper can review the latest cars, generating revenue by selling ad space surrounding the car reviews. It is a total midlife crisis car. When I have my midlife crisis 10 or 15 years from now, I plan to ruin the family budget to buy one for myself.

Even with GPS, I manage to get lost. Forty-five minutes later, I pull into the Washingtonian’s “staff only” parking lot and hide the press car between a couple Fords. If it’s towed, I’ll be stranded but not liable for the impound costs, since it’s not my car. I hope.

I’ve walked past the corpse of the Seattle P.I. once. I’ve entered the Seattle Times building twice. The Washingtonian, never. I pull open the frosted glass front door and enter an echoing, marble expanse of soulless 1960s architecture. Like at the Times, there’s a front desk manned by a security guard. Unlike at the Times, there’s a two story waterfall behind the front desk that would be quite impressive if it wasn’t bone dry. Also unlike at the Times, I’m treated with little caution or interest. I tell the guard that I have an interview scheduled with Jack O’Lies.

“Know where he is? Third floor,” he replies. The Times has a formidable security gate. There’s no security gate here. Nor am I issued a plastic I.D. badge with a mugshot of me on it, which the Times security guard insisted I wear. I drift uncertainly to the bank of elevators, press the up button, and wait.

The building feels bereft. It appears to have been designed for a bustling community of thousands that has been decimated during the past decade. It’s creepy.

On the third floor, I wander through a cubicle farm dominated by row upon row of empty desks. I run into Deputy Assistant Editor John Whiteclay exactly where I least desire to: coming out of the men’s room.

I’m certain that it’s him. He’s hard to forget. The last time I saw him, he had a waist-length black braid and was wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt


(red, of course) under a second-hand brown corduroy jacket with leather elbow patches. He also sported tight jeans with a hole in one knee, a turquoise and silver bracelet, and a pair of beat up cowboy boots. He was such a twenty-seven-year-old tribal cliché punk when he strutted up to collect his trophies at the Society of Professional Journalists awards ceremony.

Today, his hair is shorn to corporate shortness. He’s wearing a pair of unattractive pleated front Dockers, a department store golf shirt, and unobtrusive lace-up leather shoes. Pushing thirty, his face is about a decade older than it was two years ago.

“Oh, hi,” I say. “You’re John Whiteclay, right?”

Looking surprised, cornered, and yet so very professional as the bathroom door swings closed behind him, he replies, “Yes. I’m sorry, you are…?”

“Katherine Luck from the Journal. We set up an interview with your staffer, Jack O’Lies, remember?”

Not surprisingly, he looks very surprised that I’m here after he gave me the big brush off over the phone this morning. However, he hides it with managerially speed.

“Right, right,” he says. “Coffee? I was going to grab a cup.”

“Sure, I never say no to coffee,” I say, trailing him to the break room. “So, I went on down to Lake Washington, but I didn’t manage to hook up with Jack.”

Mr. Whiteclay grabs the Mr. Coffee carafe and a probably clean mug from the counter. His face again registers surprise before he hides it ever so professionally.

“I thought you two were going to schedule things over the phone. Were you covering the murder for your paper or something?”

“Oh no, we don’t do hard news. Nothing controversial,” I say.

He does not offer me a cup of coffee. He leans against the counter and sips.

“Okay,” he says.

“I just figured it would be easier to get in touch with him in person, maybe,” I say.

John Whiteclay says nothing. He crosses one Dockers-encased leg over the other, leaning against the counter in a way that announces that this is where we’re going to wrap things up. I’ve been long-form blown off before. I know the body language all too well.

I, however, become stubborn when professionally thwarted. I can stay here all day if that’s what it takes. I’m saved from making myself obnoxious by a staff writer who pokes his head into the break room.

“Oh man, Chief, you gotta see this! O’Lies punched the hell out of that idiot Seattle Crimeologist blogger.”

Chief Whiteclay’s face registers alarm. Still clutching his coffee mug, he follows the writer. Not uninvited, I trail them to a low-walled cubicle in the middle of the newsroom. Half a dozen reporters are crammed in it, their eyes glued to a computer screen. Their Chief, John Whiteclay, shoulders his way through to stand next to the cubicle owner, who is seated in front of the computer.

“Did you see this, Chief? It’s all over his blog,” she says, hitting play on the uploaded video.

Lake Washington of about an hour ago comes into focus: reporters, camera crews, cops, ducks and all. Behind the camera, a whiny, juvenile sort of voice is saying, “It is a measure of the depravity—nay, the sheer brutality—of modern American culture that a police force immobilized by—”

Off screen, someone says, “Jack? That really you? What’re you doing here today?”

The camera swings from the rippling blue lake filled with wading cops to focus on a black guy in his fifties standing with a white guy who looks to be in his forties. The black guy is wearing a dark blue windbreaker loudly emblazoned “King County Coroner’s Office.” The white guy has graying hair hacked into a super-short crew cut and a couple days of beard growth that looks sexy on movie stars in their twenties but doesn’t work for professional men over the age of thirty.

“Tell me about it. I feel about a hundred and forty today,” the white guy says.

The black guy leans closer to the white guy. In the cubicle, we all lean closer to the computer speakers. The coroner says something that sounds like, “Jack. What’re you doing here, really? You know what today is.”

Behind the camera, there’s a gleeful chortle and the shot begins to wobble as the cameraman walks toward the pair.

“Jack O’Lies, Washingtonian crime reporter,” says the unseen cameraman. Both the coroner and Washingtonian crime reporter Jack O’Lies turn and stare into the camera. “What, indeed, are you doing at a serial killer crime scene today, of all days? Are you trying to finally win that Pulitzer? Today’s the perfect day to give it another shot!”

The white guy, Jack O’Lies, goes whiter. Then whiter still. His eyes are fixed on the camera. He steps toward it.

“Jack,” says the coroner. Then he exclaims, “Jack!” as the camera makes a rapid arc up to the blue sky.

“You don’t ever speak to me, you ignorant little bastard,” a voice beyond the blue sky shouts. There’s a commotion, then some scuffling sounds as the camera swings wildly around. We viewers are treated to scraps of cop uniforms, blurry reporters, a few fancy TV cameras and boom mikes—look, that’s me! Then a shot of the back of Jack O’Lies’ head and jacket as he pushes his way through the crowd.

“And it’s on the KING 5 website, too,” says the cubicle owner, tapping at the keyboard as her fearless leader, the stricken Chief, stares at the monitor. There’s a snippet of happy talk from the KING 5 in-studio talent, then their faces and voices abruptly go serious.

“A body was found on Lake Washington today,” says the blond (female).

“The nature of the as-yet unidentified man’s injuries have officials from the Seattle Police Department speculating that it may have been the work of a serial killer,” chimes in the blond (male).

They cut to one of the heavily made-up TV reporters I noted earlier. He begins to speak earnestly into the camera, clutching a large microphone that I suspect is purely a prop, given all the boom mikes I saw.

“Thanks, Shannon and Greg. I’m here on the shore of Lake Washington, where police have discovered another body that officials suspect may be one in a string of—”

Off screen, there’s a commotion, then some scuffling sounds. The TV camera swings smoothly to take in Jack O’Lies shoving a gawky kid wearing a trench coat that screams “I’m a reporter!” more blatantly than mine. The kid slips in the mud and lands on his back.

“There appears to be some sort of incident here—hold on,” says the unseen yet unflappable TV reporter as his cameraman zooms in on Jack O’Lies’s enraged face.

“Ever speak to me, you ignorant little bas—BEEP!” he says.

Is “bastard” really on the FCC’s profanity list? Or is KING 5 hypervigilent?

Just then, a man with a graying, super-short crew cut shoves his way through the crowd into the cubicle. He slams a galley sheet covered with text in 12-point Times New Roman font onto the keyboard. Like meerkats sensing danger on that meerkat nature show I watched once, dozens of reporters around the newsroom poke their heads up from their cubicles.

“Here,” he says to Deputy Assistant Editor John Whiteclay. “And you don’t ever, ever send me out into the field again.”

I glance at the graying crew cut, then at the copy, which is bylined “Jack O’Lies.”



Thursday, March 22, 11:53 a.m.           

Trapped within the cubicle by his subordinates, twenty-nine year old Deputy Assistant Editor John Whiteclay, boss of veteran crime reporter Jack O’Lies for barely five months, makes steady managerial eye contact, then bravely invites his disgruntled employee to discuss his grievances “in the privacy of Conference Room B.” I take this to mean that the Washingtonian’s deputy assistant editor had aught but a cubicle to call his own. Even I have an office with a real, closable door. I have no staff to reprimand behind it, however.

I admire his spunk.

“The web designers are using B. They booked it for all day,” the cubicle owner, seated in front of her computer, meekly volunteers.

“Jack, why don’t we grab a cup of coffee?” John Whiteclay suggests redundantly, given the full cup he holds in his hand.

I already spent time in The Chief’s coffee-having employee lounge of disrespect. Jack O’Lies appears to be wise as well. He stares at The Chief—can a stare be slurred like speech?—in a slurred manner.

“I gotta go to the can,” he announces.

Jack O’Lies stalks off.

John Whiteclay, award-winning journalist turned editor, elbows his way out of the cubicle with mutters of, “Pardon,” and “excuse me, please,” and follows Jack as he wends his way through the maze of cubicles toward the men’s room.

Later, much later, I learned what happened after Jack stalked angrily away with his young editor in hot pursuit. At the time, I remained ensconced within the cubicle of Washingtonian staff writer Bididiana Gomez, chatting with her awkwardly about meteorology (whether the weatherman on KING 5 TV was hot or not).

Out of eyeshot and earshot, John Whiteclay was closing in on his retreating reporter.

“Jack? Jack. Jack!” he said ever more insistently, as Jack approached the same men’s room I’d caught him immerging from earlier.

Young Mr. Whiteclay told me this later. Much later.

“Jack, you and I need to have a conversation. Immediately. And probably with the legal department involved.”

Jack made a derisive grunt, rolled his eyes, and shoved the men’s room door open with his shoulder.

The Chief followed him. Jack repaired to a stall and slammed it shut.

“Fine,” said The Chief. “You think this is the first time I’ve debriefed a writer in the Cone of Silence? You can’t hide in there forever.”

He started to drink his coffee, decided it was gross to do so in the john, set it down next to the sink, then picked it up and drank anyway. Jack began to throw up loudly within the stall.

Jack told me this later. Much later.

“Jeez! Are you okay, Jack? Jack?”

A reporter entered.

“Out!” barked The Chief.

“I gotta—”

“Use the ladies’ room.”

“What? Hey, who’s yakking up?”

“We’re having a meeting. Use the ladies’ room.”

“No way, Chief!”

“They won’t care. I’m in there all the time when I’ve got to have a private conversation, because I’ve got no damned office and the damned web jack-holes are in Conference Room B again, and we can’t use Conference Room A because of the asbestos, so use the damned ladies’ room!”

The reporter retreated. Jack emerged, his face almost as white as it had been on the blogger’s video. He bent over the sink next to The Chief and washed his face.

“Are you sick? I mean, with the flu or something?”

“It wasn’t the crime scene,” Jack said. “I’m hungover as hell. I spent an hour in traffic with no coffee. I will not take shit from a J-school dropout blogger who thinks a three-month internship here qualifies him to write news.”

“He used to work here? Jack, we’ve got to go talk to legal immediately.”

Jack shook his hands dry, then wiped his palms over the back of his pants.

“He’ll get over it.”

“He’ll sue us, is what he’ll do! I would,” said The Chief.

Jack briefly eyed his boss, some sixteen years his junior.

“File the damned copy and leave me alone,” Jack said.

He shoved the men’s room door open with his shoulder and exited.

“It was shockingly good copy,” The Chief told me later. “He knocked it out in twenty minutes. It was all gold—I fact-checked it myself. His quotes were exact. I watched about three hours of TV footage to be sure. He did it without a recorder. Just a notebook and a pencil. Damn.”

Maybe I shouldn’t include the deputy assistant editor’s involuntary “Damn.” But unlike Jack O’Lies, I was doing it with a recorder. I like to be accurate when I transcribe an interview.

As The Chief slunk off to his cubicle to fact-check and copy-edit Jack O’Lies’ 850 words on the Lake Washington body discovery, I decided to risk a shove and confront my illusive interviewee.



Thursday, March 22, 12:04 p.m.

Thanks to the twittering danger signals of the reporters, I locate Jack O’Lies’ cubicle easily. It stands isolated amid dozens of empty desks along the west wall. He has removed one of the cubicle’s walls, giving him an unbroken view of the cobalt blue water of Puget Sound. I wonder how often he takes in the stunning vista. His head is down, his eyes on his keyboard.

“Excuse me?” I say. “Hi. Are you Jack O’Lies?”

He looks up from his computer keyboard. His eyes are pale blue: a shade not captured by the offensive blogger’s video camera, the KING 5 TV lens, or even my brief glance at him as he glared at his boss.

Impulsively, I decide that the best tactic I can employ is deceit. Dishonesty. Lying.

“I’m Katherine from the Journal. We had an interview scheduled for ten today. I’m kind of late,” I say. It’s two hours after our scheduled interview—more than kind of late. I force a phony giggle.

I ought to mention that I’m a terrible liar.

“Can we grab a cup of coffee?” I say. “My treat. This won’t take more than fifteen, twenty minutes.”

That’s what I always tell my interviewees—fifteen, maybe twenty minutes. Occasionally it’s true.

Jack O’Lies stares at me, but not in the slurred way he stared at his boss. He lets out a rough sound that isn’t a laugh.

“Coffee? Is that the new corporate buzz word around here? Are you from the legal department?”

“No. I’m Katherine from the Journal. Your editor set up an interview between us for ten today.”

“I’m supposed to interview you why, exactly?”

“No, no, I’m supposed to interview you,” I say.

There’s a long, long, long pause. I can hear my own breathing. I hold my breath.

“I’ve got work to do,” he says.

“It’ll just take a couple minutes,” I say.

“Not today.”

“Ten minutes, max,” I say.

His gaze slips back to his computer keyboard.

“I’m on deadline. Go write your blog and leave me alone,” he says.


“Not today,” he says again. He says it softly, but not kindly.


If he shouted, if he added a bit of choice profanity, if he shoved me, I would feel a sight less offended and put out.

“Okay, then,” I say.

I huff back to work, some twenty miles north in speedy, non-rush hour traffic. He actually thinks I’m a blogger. I am many things that journalists don’t want to be, but I’m not a blogger. I’m stubborn at inappropriate times. I hold a grudge…more than one. I can be insufferable when professionally thwarted. But I am not a blogger.

As the afternoon wears itself thin, I sit at my desk and assemble calendar copy to fill holes in the next edition of the Journal, while Jack O’Lies (I learn later) sits at his desk and assembles obituaries to fill holes in the next edition of the Washingtonian. Both of us brood.

He broods about…well, he never told me exactly what. But I was able to surmise later. I brood about my impending trip back to Seattle this evening.

His fellow Washingtonian journalist, Bididiana Gomez, told me plenty about his habits.

I know he likes to drink.

I know he is on deadline.

I know his deadline is five p.m.

I know he retires to the 3 Coins Restaurant (where “restaurant” is a loosely applied term) every night after deadline and drinks Scotch on the rocks. More than one.

I know that I will be joining him tonight.

“Not today,” he warned me. Too bad I’m obtuse. Things wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand if I had listened to him.

Wednesday, March 28, 11:19 a.m.

Another body discovered in the vicinity of Lake Washington

By The Seattle Crimeologist

A body was discovered by Seattle Police on Wednesday morning in a condo located on the shore of Lake Washington

The body, tentatively identified as female, was extensively mutilated. Police believe more than one killer may have been involved.

Acording to police on sight, the victim was a lawyer with ties too a recent atempted assault of a nurse on Seattle Metro bus line 15 that runs thru the Ballard neighrborhood.

Got a hot tip? Email me!
[email protected]



Wednesday, March 28, 4:48 p.m.

I email The Seattle Crimeologist as soon as I get home. I use the email account that he hacked, just to keep things neat.

From: Katherine Luck
Date: March 28, 2011 04:48:39 PM PST
To: [email protected]
Subject: Hot Tip: Jack O’Lies
I’ve got a hot tip about Jack O’Lies at the Washingtonian. Answer your phone when I call you.

It takes me barely seven minutes to discover a phone number for Leo Krakowski, The Seattle Crimeologist. He was interviewed last year by the Seattle Times as a blogging trend “expert,” then was re-interviewed this week regarding his altercation with Jack at the Lake Washington murder scene.

I check the Wayback Machine  and find an old web-archived version of his blog. He used to list his phone number along with his email address. I dial it from my cell phone. I really need to resurrect one of my old untraceable cell phones.

He answers promptly.

“The Seattle Crimeologist,” he says.

“Leo?” I say.

“Yeah…are you Katherine?” He sounds all of nineteen years old.

“You sent a couple very threatening emails today,” I say.

“Whoa…back up on this a second.”

“And I quote, ‘Hi ya! So, you’re Jack O’Lies’ new drug of choice? Watch out. Have you seen what he’s been up to lately? Here’s a shot for the stepfamily album.’”

“Hey, I have no idea what that is!”

“You have a really expensive camera,” I say. “You took the photo of me and Jack at his house the other night, didn’t you?”

“Hey…is this some sex thing? Can I record this? Are you on the police force? Are you sleeping with a crime reporter—is that it? Did you tip him off about that dead body in the Lake Washington condo this morning?”

“Oh my God, seriously? I’m married!” I exclaim.

He chortles with unabashed delight.

“Oh, hell yeah! What precinct are you with? Is it South Seattle? There was such a big sex scandal down there last year that I was this close to breaking, but the freakin’ police union lawyers shut me down. Maybe we should talk in person. How’s now? Where should we meet? Hello?”

I sigh. It’s pretty obvious that Captain Overeager here is not my cyberstalker.

“I can’t meet you,” I say.

“Sure you can! Let’s pick a place. I’m in Capitol Hill. Where are you?”

I sigh again. He would live in the Capitol Hill neighborhood. My number one least favorite place in Seattle: land of drunk jaywalking club kids, illogically meandering streets, and zero parking.

“I’m north of you,” I say. “We can’t meet.”

“I’ll come to you. What bus line are you on?”

I sigh a third time. This panting puppy is useless.

Although…Jack asked me to investigate his life, if I remember correctly (never a safe assumption). Who better to start with than his nemesis?

“I can meet you around 7:30 tonight,” I say. “But I’m not dragging my carcass down to Capitol Hill.”

“Sure, that’s fine, sounds great! Wherever you want,” he says.

I meanly consider making sex scandal seeker Leo bus it through two county transit systems and about five transfers up to my neck of the woods.

I’m not made of stone. 

“How about Northgate Mall?” I say.

“Is there a Starbucks? I’ll buy you a coffee,” Leo says.

I never say no to coffee.



Wednesday, March 28, 8:09 p.m.

“Jack O’Lies is an alcoholic waste of skin who deserves to die,” says Leo Krakowski, aka the Seattle Crimeologist. His long fingers encircle and worry the Starbucks cup, which is the same pasty hue as his complexion. It’s his third latte in forty minutes. And I thought I had a caffeine addiction.

“But you already know that, right?” he adds, sneering at me.

“He’s a very good writer,” I reply lamely.

“He’s a hack! An ad department tool! He is a complete space suck,” Leo retorts.

Leo Krakowski, professional blogger and crimeologist (whatever that is), is not at all what I expected. I remember seeing his distorted image in the now iconic news footage from the Lake Washington murder scene, in which Jack shoved him and he fell down in the mud. I don’t know what happened between them to precipitate the shove. Besides the genuine reporter’s notebook, available at any office supply store, there’s very little about young Leo that convinces me he’s a real journalist. He’s twenty. He’s scrawny. He wears a voluminous black trench coat. He looks like a Columbine killer.

Columbine Killers Dylan Klebold and Eric David Harris

Maybe he’ll shoot me, right here in the Northgate Mall Starbucks.

Nah, this post-adolescent dork doesn’t have the balls to kill a story, much less me. He’s a journalism school drop out turned full time crime blogger. This little bastard makes more a month than I do.

When we met less than an hour ago, he was all smiles. Upon learning that I’m not, in fact, a policewoman engaged in a torrid affair with Washingtonian newspaper crime reporter Jack O’Lies, Leo’s disappointment was profound. His response can be summarized as “Are you freakin’ kidding me?” But with a whole lot of swearing.

When I assured him, nope, I’m aught but print journalist who interviewed fellow print journalist Jack O’Lies a week ago, he threw his head back and covered his eyes with both spindly fingered hands.

“Oh come the crap on!” he wailed. He then chugged the entirety of his first latte, jumped up, and huffed off to buy another.

I remained at our little circular café table, my hands protectively clutching my dry nonfat cappuccino, which Leo insisted on buying me. He was embarrassingly ostentatious about it, as all twenty-year-old boys are when buying a drink for a woman. I’d have to make this $3.49 beverage last. It was clear we were now going Dutch.

“What a waste!” he lamented upon returning. “I was sure I’d finally nail that miserable a-hole!”

He slugged back half of the latte, rambled about the long bus ride from Seattle’s awesome Capitol Hill neighborhood to the impossibly remote realm of Seattle’s Northgate neighborhood, then drained the latte.

When he returned with his third drink, he appeared resolved to make hay of his fruitless sex scandal chase by unloading an internship’s worth of fury on me. It was an internship suffered under the inebriated aegis of Jack O’Lies, Washingtonian crime reporter.

His primary grievances:

  • Jack’s unprofessional hungoverness at work.
  • Jack’s lack of sympathy for Leo’s cool, totally justified hungoverness at work.
  • Jack’s unending nitpicking over petty details of spelling, grammar and punctuation.
  • Jack’s ad department tool tasks—“Writing stupid obituaries for stupid old white people from stupid Seattle neighborhoods like Magnolia, Queen Anne and Ballard”—which he foisted off on Leo.
  • Jack’s lazy habit of calling the public information officers at the various police agencies and asking, “There anything I should know?” once a day, instead of downloading the police scanner app to his (nonexistent!) iPhone and sallying forth to get the story firsthand.
  • Jack’s lameness at coming in second for a Pulitzer Prize. Second!
  • Jack’s inexplicable tenacity at holding onto his job.

“I had to watch, like, forty-five brilliant investigative reporters get axed, while Jack just kept on doin’ his thing, writing pay-by-the-line obits and helping the marketing department sell ad space to mortuaries. The man has no ethics.”

“The Washingtonian fired forty-five investigative reporters? How many did they have to start with?”

“I don’t know, a lot, whatever! The point is, he’s a tool. In all five senses of the word.”

Where have I heard that before?

“He’s got post traumatic stress disorder or something,” I say. “I’m not apologizing for him. I don’t really know him. But it’s pretty obvious, don’t you think? After what happened to his wife…he’s an alcoholic, you know.”

“And boo-hoo, let’s keep him on staff forever, drawing sixty-five grand a year for whoring himself to the advertisers and regurgitating the b.s. that the cop mouthpieces feed him,” Leo snaps.

I am given pause.

“He makes sixty-five thousand dollars a year?” I say.

Leo’s sneer blooms into a grin. He’s got me by my Achilles heel: unequal compensation. He leans back in his chair and nods slowly at me.

“Are you sure?” I say.

Leo nods again, very slowly. Then he winks at me, even more slowly. He looks like an anorexic Cheshire cat.

cheshire cat

He’s trying to work me. It’s working.

“I had a friend in HR. I got a look at his employment file,” he says. “Do you know how many times he was disciplined for showing up drunk at the office?”

Wrong tactic. Now I feel sad rather than righteously outraged over my poor pay.

“His wife died,” I say. “She was murdered by the serial killer he was covering. And it was a total coincidence. Don’t you see the irony?”

“Oh, cry me a river!” says heartless, hyper-caffeinated Leo in an ironic tone. “It’s not like the killer targeted Jack for revenge, like in a movie or something. It was just stupid bad luck.”

“That’s exactly my point!” I say. “That’s the irony, right there! I can’t believe you don’t get it.”

“Whatever,” Leo says. “It was random. She could’ve been taken out by a drunk driver or cancer or something. Does that give him license to wallow in some third-rate depression and get drunk every night for freakin’ ever?”

Again, this blogger gives me pause. Maybe young Leo shouldn’t be underestimated after all.

“He’s trapped,” I say. “He’s over-specialized. He can’t find another job at his age.”

“He’s, like, forty-five, right? Yeah, that’s old, but it’s not like he’s some poor seventy-year-old trying to score a Wal-Mart greeter job to pay for his blood pressure meds. He’s gonna wind up a homeless wino before he’s fifty, mark my words. And it’ll be his own damned fault.”

“How obsessed with him are you?” I say.

Leo sets his latte down on the little table too hard. He folds his trench coat clad arms over his trench coat clad chest. He attempts to glare at me penetratingly, like Jack does. Jack sees through me without effort; Leo without success.

“And, seriously? Seriously, what’s that supposed to mean?” he says.

“I’m not being sarcastic,” I say. “I want to know everything you know about him. Everything. Mind if I record this?”



Friday, March 30, 3:29 p.m.

Possible connection: condo murder victim and man named ‘Spine’

By The Seattle Crimeologist

The body discovered by Seattle Police on Wenesday morning in a condo located on the shore of Lake Washington has been posibively Identivied as Madeline Connor, Seattle corporate attorney/lawyer.

A man with the street name “Spine” real name unknown, has been implecated in connection with her murder, according to the Seattle Crimeologist’s exclusive sources. A woman, possibly a registered nurse, is believed to be assocciated with the crime.

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